EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK ON STRESS MANAGEMENT AND HAPPINESS AUTHORED BY Sh. AJAY SHUKLA, MEMBER TRAFFIC
LOOK TOWARDS HAPPINESS
And not towards Unhappiness
There are two ways of looking at anything : The positive way and the negative way. You can be happy about what you have, and you can be unhappy about what you do not have. This is a matter of attitude, or outlook, which you can change. Attitude classifies stimuli into negative and positive categories. You can consciously take decisions in such classification. It is for you to either consciously and rationally take such decisions, or let your natural emotions take such decisions for you. It is your fate to decide which way you would look at things.
You have to develop a mental mechanism to view every situation from different points of view.If you are able to see a thing from different angles, only then you can get a more realistic picture of a situation.It depends totally on you as to which of these pictures you accept as a true picture.You should accept the picture that gives you peace of mind and not a picture that disturbs you. If you look only at the negative side, you would remain unhappy. Do not permit your petty emotions to take control over you. If you decide to view things with a positive frame of mind, you can remain happy.
A happy man would always retain control over his happiness by consciously keeping a positive outlook. Thereby, he remains a master of his own happiness. It is imperative that you should -
Be a Master of Your own Happiness
We often do not remain conscious of this factor and let our emotions take charge, and subvert, our happiness. Even worse is the situation when we make other people a master of our own happiness. Let us look at a situation in the everyday life.
ØYou are doing a job, and you get paid for it. But you are not happy. You feel your job is boring, monotonous and tiresome. No one appreciates the hard work you are doing. You want appreciation. Do You ? Why ?
*Because you want happiness !
ØYou have unwittingly and unknowingly made yourself a slave of some other person, without his asking or wanting, to be a master of your own happiness.
How many times in our daily lives do we get offended when we find others not responding as we expect them to respond ? We expect so much from others, from our bosses, colleagues, friends, spouse, children, and when we find them not doing what we would like them to do we sulk and be unhappy. Not only do we link our happiness to our own possessions, but also we want to control others. Worst of all we want other living and thinking beings to act, as we would like them to, and when this does not happen we feel unhappy. Thus we link our happiness to the actions of others, not to our own action, and thereby we ourselves make ourselves a slave of others for our own happiness. The key to happiness is -
Do Not Depend on Others for your Happiness
We often look for awards, appreciation and approval of other people to make us happy.Such occasions or gestures do make us happy, but such occasions do not come everyday, and even when they occur they last only for a very short time. They do not last long. If you depend on any external thing, or person to give you happiness, you would never achieve happiness. Remember that each individual is a different person, living in a world of his own, over which you have no control. Every time everyone will not respond as you want. Be prepared for this, and do not depend on it for your happiness.
Similarly, if you depend on any material thing to make you happy, then you are again linking your happiness to an inanimate object, which is least concerned about you or about your happiness. There are many pitfalls in such an endeavour. You may not get that object. Even if you get it, it may not last long. And even if it lasts long, you would get so used to it that it would progressively give you less and less pleasure, never happiness, and you would start your pursuit for another object. This is an endless race, which brings more misery than satisfaction, and never brings happiness. As such, it would be wrong to depend on material objects for happiness.
Another mistake we often make is that we keep a vague notion that coming of happiness is like a turning point of life. We often think that achieving happiness is a major event of life, or that some major event can bring happiness, like winning a lottery. Major events occur very rarely, and if we keep waiting for such turning points of life to make us happy, then we would be only waiting for happiness most of the time.
Happiness is not a meteor that hits you once in a lifetime. If you wait for great moments of achievement to come to bring you happiness, such moments would come, if at all, after long gaps, and with lot of anxiety and unhappiness in between. As such, do not wait for milestones to bring you messages of happiness. Invoke happiness at every step that you take.
Further, do not wait for happiness to come in one huge bulk.Happiness is not a piece of rock that falls before your feet. The consignment of happiness is made up of very small fragments that you can accumulate in bits and pieces every day. Happiness is not something solid that you can touch, see or pick up on your way home. Happiness is like a breeze of fresh air, all around you, always with you. You have to breathe in into your system. So do not wait for heavy chunks of happiness.
ADD UP SMALL BITS OF HAPPINESS EVERYDAY.